Chick: Oh my God, I'm so excited I can barely keep my exposure!
--Lexington & 43rd

Guy: Oh no, I don't speak it; I just have the acrylic alphabet memorized.
--4th & Broadway

Girl: God there are so many Chinos here. I hate Chinese people.
Guy: You're so dis...What do they call it? Racist! That's not a very good attribute to have, Christina.
Girl: The only people I like are Spanish people and white people.
Guy: I hope one day someone who's black and Chinese and...80 other races all mixed together bitchslaps you in the face!
--Canal & Lafayette

Girl #1: So I said I'm not sure if I'm gonna take his last name; it seems really old-fashioned.
Girl #2: What'd he say?
Girl #1: He said an engagement ring is old-fashioned, but I took that.
--Rockefeller Center

Guy: So I was hanging out with this girl I'm friends with from High School and she goes to NYU. She's like a 7 1/2 or 8, she's pretty fuckin' hot, but her friends were so ugly; I mean there were like 5 of 'em and all together they didn't even make a 9.
--American Airlines plane, LaGuardia


Man #1: See, there's the exit, and it says Salida. What the hell's that?
Man #2: I think it's Spanish for salad.
Man #1: Why the fuck write that on there?
--JetBlue plane, JFK

Queer #1: Oh my god! It must be freezing outside! Look how many layers that guy is wearing!
Queer #2: I think he's homeless.
--Sullivan between Prince & Spring

Woman: ...I am just trying to figure out why you thought it was okay for you to pack for a weekend at my parents' home, in a backpack.
Man: What's wrong with my backpack? You know I don't own an overnight bag.
Woman: How can your only alternative be a fucking backpack? You can't understand how that would be embarrassing for me? Jesus, Adrian, you're 37 years old and you're still traveling with a backpack?
--70th & 3rd

Man: You still have sex with your ex-husband?
Woman: He paid me!
--Rudy's, 9th Avenue

Guard dude #1: There's a guy over there touching himself again.
Guard dude #2: What, the same one as before?
Guard dude #1: Yeah.
--New York Public Library Main Branch, 42th & 5th

Guy #1: With fiction books, if someone tells you the ending, it's like there's no point to them. But with non-fiction, you can know exactly what's going to happen and they're still a joy to read.
Guy #2: Man, you really should try getting laid sometime. Stop bothering me.
--Clovis Press, Williamsburg

Wheelchair guy: I hate playing poker online; the players are such retards.
--Satellite Poker Club, [Censored]

White chick: Oh, I've been meaning to ask you...how do you say "hello" in Korean?
Asian chick: I don't know; I'm Chinese, bitch!
--Starbucks, 44th & Broadway

Girl: Hey, which one of you doesn't like incest again?
--14th & 5th

Tourist woman: ...But I thought that the Arc de Triomphe was in Paris.
--Washington Square Park

Guy #1: How long have we been coming here and how long has that waitress been working here?
Guy #2: She's been here for at least 2 years.
Guy #3: She must be the worst actress in all of New York City.
--Brother Jimmy's, 3rd Avenue

Old lady: That's the brownstone where Matthew lives with Sarah Jessica Parker. She didn't grow up in the West Village, you know.
Old man: All that money they make, you think they'd never settle for a house that's only 18 feet wide.
Old lady: Only skinny people can live there.
--7th & Charles

Woman: You know, maybe if I actually had a sense of humor I would have enjoyed it more.
--Golden Theater, West 45th Street

Tourist guy: Excuse me, do you know how to get to the PATH train?
Hasidic man: Are you Jewish?
Tourist guy: No.
Hasidic man: Ask the policeman.
--42nd & 6th

Girl: I hate Brooklyn lesbians; they're all nerdy. I'm all, "Yo, where the sluts at?".
--Park Slope

Sommelier guy: She's really hot...but she ordered a burgundy.
--Tribeca Grill, Greenwich Street

Announcement: The captain will be dimming the cabin lights to help enhance the beauty of the passenger seated next to you.
--Delta flight

Guy: I really don't watch that much porn.
Chick: I woke up in the middle of the night that one time, and you were totally sitting in your desk chair watching porn!
Guy: I was just switching files between hard drives and I wanted to make sure the porn file still worked.
--D'Agostino, 110th & Broadway

Girl #1: So how was France?
Girl #2: Pretty good, although we didn't go out much. We only went to a restaurant like once.
Girl #1: That's good.
Girl #2: Yeah, we hardly gave them any opportunities to be rude to us.
--Hunter North Building elevator, East 69th Street

Guy: Hey man, wanna make some quick money moving some equipment for me?
Hobo: I don't have time right now.
--30th & 7th