These gave me a chuckle

A man is stumbling down the street. He trips, falls hard and hits his head on the ground.
Guy: Sir, excuse me, are you okay? You just fell really hard.
Man: ...Fuck you.
--14th & 6th

Little girl: Momma no! Don't walk away! Someone might take me!
--25th between 6th & Broadway

Girl on cell: Mom, remember that I didn't have braces and haven't had to go to rehab...I need a thousand. Love you.
--West 17th Street

Waiter: I assume you guys are on a date?
Guy #1: Yep.
Waiter: I just love seeing two nice young men together, so I brought you key lime shots to go with the key lime pie. Enjoy.
Guy #2: Bitch, you'll do anything for alcohol.
--East of Eighth, W. 23rd Street

Man: That's the worst...when the bitch gets mad at you for hittin' her.
--Prospect Heights

Thug: If the rain was a person, I'd kick its ass.
--Astoria

Guy: So, go out with her! For her it will be a date. For you, it will be a charity event.
--Koi, W. 40th Street

Professor guy: You might want to get a start on next week's readings. Unless you're one of those people who can read really fast. If you are, then I hate you.
--Goddard Hall, Washington Square East

Preppy guy: I wonder what those nerds are up to over there.
Indian chick: How can you tell they're nerds from over here?
Preppy guy: The only girl with them has a really fat ass and one of the guys has a ponytail.
Indian chick: That's pretty harsh.
Preppy guy: I just said they're nerds. I'm sure they're great people. Probably better than anybody we know.
Indian chick: You think so?
Preppy guy: No. They're nerds.
--McGolrick Park, Greenpoint

Woman: So I asked him, "How come I make 3 million dollars a year and you still don't want me?" And he said, "Because you are a fat fucking cow!"
--Astor Place

Lady: Well, it's for a gift so I'm looking for something under around $2000.
--Bergdorf Goodman, 5th Avenue

Mother: Stop crying!...And you wonder why I hit you and shit.
--Fulton & Gold

Guy: I've given up masturbating so I can focus exclusively on comic books.
--Midtown Comics, W. 40th Street

Girl #1: So he kept asking me to have sex last night.
Girl #2: Did you?
Girl #1: No, I told him, "Look, I will not have sex with you. If you want a blowjob I will do that, but I will not have sex with you."...I mean what is a blowjob? Nothing at all.
--Bleecker & Macdougal

Man #1: Do you live in New York?
Man #2: No.
Man #1: Go ahead. Take my spot. I see that statue every fucking day.
--Cruise ship, Hudson River

Pregnant woman: Can I cut in front of you, it's an emergency?
Unpregnant man: Yeah no problem, but you better name that shit after me.
--Famiglia, 8th & Broadway